How To Kick Adversity In The Butt
This is a guest post by Brixton Key,
author of the novel, “Charlie Six.”
If
you live long enough, chances are there will be a time in your life when
no matter how hard you strive, you worry about going under. Many people feel
that way in today’s tough economic times because of job loss, investment
setbacks–or both.
For me, the really rough period
began in the spring of 1998 after I suffered two burst aneurysms, requiring
hours of brain surgery to repair, 16 days in intensive care, and months of
recuperation. It didn’t help that my house was being renovated at the time and
draining my bank account. My partner and I were always arguing. She saw a
changed man. I was angry about the constant pain in my head that lasted for
months.
Finally, I moved out into a loft on
my own. Three months later a disc slipped and ruptured in my spine requiring
another surgery. Then the day after Christmas I broke my right big toe playing
soccer with my friend’s children. (Yes, that required another surgery.)
I’m an optimist but by then I wrung
my hands in despair. To dull the pain, I turned to heroin. It was easy to
score. I rang a pager and the dealer rang my door. My bank account dwindled. I
became suicidal.
Today I’m back on my feet, living in
San Francisco and writing novels. Here’s what I
learned along the way about coping with adversity.
Don’t be a wimp–turn to professional
help. There’s an answer to every problem.
I was born in Isleworth, England during the 1950s and like the character,
Charlie, in my novel Charlie Six, grew up in what we now call a
dysfunctional family. I lived with a single mother after my father ran away
from his creditors and the law when I seven. She was a fun lady, who liked to
party and to have a good time, but Mum realized my education was paramount to
my success in life.
As I was running wild, she took
advice from my grandmother, a tavern owner, who told Mum that through her trade
association I qualified for a Guinness scholarship to a boarding school on the
outskirts of London. Being banished from home when you’re young is frankly
horrid, especially since my working class Cockney background set me apart from
the other middle class children at school.
I can’t say I liked boarding school,
but it taught me an important life lesson: Always ask for advice from those
experienced enough to help you. Events leading up to it may seem shocking
today. I told a teacher, who asked me why I was crying, that two older boys
were bullying me. She told me to bash them in the nose. They never messed with
me again.
Years later, when I woke up in an
emergency room bed from an overdose, detained as a danger to myself, I asked
for a counselor. He was a smart man from Catholic Charities. He placed me in a
rehab program sponsored by the city of San Francisco. Best yet, he said the
resident therapist’s door was always open.
I spent hours in her office, but was
amazed at how many of the residents didn’t seek her help. When I left the
facility, she gave me a stray cat to look after. The cat, Emmylou, kept me
company while I wrote my first novel.
In times of stress, always obey the
“walk” signal. I learned this in rehab and still
adhere to it. In times of stress, we panic. It’s natural to run. Instead, we
should slow down. It takes a steady mind to overcome adversity. Don’t rush
decisions. Does it really matter that you can cross the street when there are
no cars approaching?
It’s amazing the clarity that floods
your mind while you are patiently waiting at a crosswalk. Like grandmother
taught you, patience is a virtue. As an author I try to stay clear of clichés.
However, I cherish this one. You can see it in action every week during the
football season. It’s what makes a great quarterback able to come back against
all odds in the fourth quarter.
Take a breather and go for a stroll.
I’ve read that Steve
Jobs often walked for miles, letting his mind float free of
encumbrances to solve problems, and I expect finding new ones to surmount. I’m
not one for exercising at the gym. I don’t enjoy the rush of endorphins from
running on a treadmill, but I do enjoy the steady release of them walking the
streets in San Francisco, where I live. I’ve solved more problems with plot, or
character development strolling deep in thought than I ever have fretting over
them at my computer.
Don’t wallow in regrets. We’re told that everything happens for a reason, but that’s
a simplistic and magical view of life. None of us has enough time to fully
enjoy our family and our friends, a good meal, a great conversation or a good
book. Life’s fleeting. We must teach ourselves to enjoy every moment. I don’t
like casting my spiritual views, but I’ve never met anyone who’s come back from
the dead.
I certainly came close to meeting
death while my neurologist mended my brain. After a recent book reading , I
noticed the disapproval in his eyes when I smoked a cigarette outside. I don’t
regret ever having lit a cigarette. I don’t regret the bad decisions I made
when I started working in the music business as a teenager. They were guiding
lights later when I managed Chris Isaak’s career to hit records.
Bad decisions are perceptive
teachers. They demand from you deeper thinking later on. They’ve helped me as
an author to glimpse into human nature. As Edith Piaf sang, “Non, je ne
regrette rien” — It is what it is: “I don’t feel sorry about nothing, because
my life, my joys, today they begin with you.”
Never chase the blues away with
mind-altering substances. The blues
are life’s zingers. They’re are a reminder of how glorious yesterday was and
how great tomorrow will be. The British songstress Adele seized upon hers to
make a captivating CD. On Sunday, she stole the show at the 54th annual Grammy Awards in
Los
Angeles, winning all six categories for which she was nominated.
Don’t kid yourself that drinking or
drugs will pick you up when you’re down. They only gloss over your problems.
You make rotten decisions when your faculties are impaired.
Instead, take a walk when you’re
overloaded, or sit in the kitchen with a cup of a tea and talk to a good
friend. No matter how dark the skies get when adversity visits, I’ve learnt to
love that old maxim that trouble comes in threes. “Good,” I now say to myself
when bad things happen. “It will get better from here.”
